I suddenly feel so depressed. I HATE my English marks. i hate it! i've scored so increduosly low.
i want to be a writer. that has been my ambition since the day i learnt how to speak English. well, which is about 7 years old. and how the heck can i be a writer if my English sucks? sometimes i wish my English can be as good as Vicki's and Kirsten's. I don't even have a wide range of vocab. and i've heard of many words which i don't know the meaning. uggh
and i don't even think i'm good enough to be a writer. not good enough. i can't write. i think i'm crazy to even write and show it to people. the language is so shallow, there's nothing good about it. bleh!
I'm good at nothing. nothing. nothing. of course, i evaluate this from reasoning. ok, let's say school subject, am i good in any of them? NO!
1) maths? no good
2)Science? no good
3) English? blah
4) History? Not good enough.
5) Literature? sucks
i hate all this! and maybe maybe, i'm good at sports. but I'm not! I'm NOT! i suck at sports. i can't run, i can't do sit-ups, push ups..whatever.
Maybe music. bleh, no good. Art, nah, i can't draw,.
ok, if i'm not good in all these things, maybe i have a nice personality. maybe i'm confident and likeable. Am i? NO! no no no. i'm certainly not a confident person. and i am unable to show emotions. see, i'm heartless as well. like during the debate, when our school won, everyone was hugging. and i didn't even dare to show my emotions even though i was happy. i wanted to congratulate Kirsten, but i just smiled distantly. I AM SUCH A COWARD! i am a coward. i want to be brave. i want to be able to dare to do things.
and i'm weird. i'm different from other people. and i always distance myself away from people. because i feel i don't belong. well, the fact is i don't. i'm not anything like anybody else. in fact, i'm completely cut out from the world, there's very little thing i know about this world.i know nothing.
stupid stupid stupid. i hate myself. can't i be good at something?
bleh. this has become so depressing.