I'm a wingless bird. and even if I do have wings, I have nowhere to fly to.
Why do we have to conform to society? It binds you and gives you no freedom. It decides who and what you are. It decides how you should look. It JUDGES. The people on this Earth are like victims on a trial. Each and every day, a person has to face multiple trials. Problems after flung on our faces one by one. It's endless. Some say these challenges will make a person stronger. Stronger? For what? So that we could face even more difficult challenges? We live in a world full of dirt and muck, and we have to wade through these obstacles before getting to the end. And what is at the end point, I ask you? The end is death. We struggle all our lives and it all ends at one thing---death. This is a bleak viewpoint of life. But life IS Harsh. We can never escape from it. Never ever ever.
Death. By dying, we could perhaps escape. I might think this way sometimes, but upon considering it carefully, death does not help. By killing ourselves, we merely reach the end point earlier. And what comes after death? It's a question we all have to contemplate. When we die, does it all end, just like that? Or is a more terrible fate waiting for us, perhaps?
Life is full of bitterness and struggles. But I guess, there might be some happiness in our lives after all. The joy of laughter, the warmth of love...I guess these things are the driving force that makes us live on. These things enables us to struggle on till we reach the destinated time where we finally leave this world.
But I feel no love. I feel devoid of emotion. I feel empty deep inside.
"Your eyes are empty" My father once said, "That shows your heart is empty." He was right. I am empty. Deep down inside, I'm devoid of emotion. I feel nothing. Perhaps the only feeling I have is hate. I live in a shell. A decorated shell. To the world, I'm a normal girl. Perhaps rather crazy at times, but otherwise, I am fine. But I'm not. I live in a dark world, cursing and plotting revenges. There's fire in my eyes when I'm angry, and dark thoughts swirl in my mind. But no one knows, my decorated shell is thick and strong. It is almost unpenetrable.
I feel lonely now, and sad. Emotions. Perhaps I do have them after all. But part of me hates them. Part of me wants to be cold, ignored, and hated by all. To be the most accursed creature on Earth. But the other part of me wants to be loved and cared for. To be a happy and normal being.
The world is a desolate place. So cold, so dark. I can't fight my way through the fog.
I thought that after the 'O' Levels, I could be free. But no, I realised a harsh truth that no one could ever be free. I would like to soar like a bird, fly to wherever I want. But I have no wings, and I have no one to show me the way. Somehow, I end up being cooped at home. Just like I normally do.
Everyone's gone. Gone... I don't know where? I'm alone again.
I'm not the smartest person and sometimes I don't really mind. But in these desperate times, the truth hurts. And the truth is that I could never survive in this world. Just by opening my eyes, I'm painfully aware that I could never compare to you, you and you. I do not wish to compare myself to others, but the truth is, your eyes forces you to see. It makes you see even if you don't want to. The world screams into your face "YOU IDIOT!"
Actually I never wanted to be really smart. I hated to be noticed, to be the center of the attraction. I wanted to be hidden from sight. I wanted to live in obscurity. But in trying to do so, I gain attention, in a bad way. My sister was an outstanding person, and on that basis on comparison, I stand out because of how contrasting I was to her. My mother tells me I'm the only child in her family who cannot get into a Junior College because my three other siblings could.
This made me question, how do you measure a person's worth? Through grades? again, we see the pressure society has on us. There is too many people on this Earth. And if we let the society judge us, I think I will be worth less than a cent.
"KILL YOURSELF!" The demon within me has repeated that for the past hour. But I shall not conform. This demon was created by society, and I shall resist it with all my might. To end my life just like that is meaningless. Nobody will care, nobody will blink an eye. Everyone shall move on, and I shall be forgotten. Living on, plodding through this miserable life, perhaps, perhaps, when I lie dying on my deathbed, I could die with the feeling of victory. The success of being able to survive. And perhaps find happiness in the midst of life.
My life is bleak and empty now. But perhaps, someday, someday, I might find life within life.
Why do we have to conform to society? It binds you and gives you no freedom. It decides who and what you are. It decides how you should look. It JUDGES. The people on this Earth are like victims on a trial. Each and every day, a person has to face multiple trials. Problems after flung on our faces one by one. It's endless. Some say these challenges will make a person stronger. Stronger? For what? So that we could face even more difficult challenges? We live in a world full of dirt and muck, and we have to wade through these obstacles before getting to the end. And what is at the end point, I ask you? The end is death. We struggle all our lives and it all ends at one thing---death. This is a bleak viewpoint of life. But life IS Harsh. We can never escape from it. Never ever ever.
Death. By dying, we could perhaps escape. I might think this way sometimes, but upon considering it carefully, death does not help. By killing ourselves, we merely reach the end point earlier. And what comes after death? It's a question we all have to contemplate. When we die, does it all end, just like that? Or is a more terrible fate waiting for us, perhaps?
Life is full of bitterness and struggles. But I guess, there might be some happiness in our lives after all. The joy of laughter, the warmth of love...I guess these things are the driving force that makes us live on. These things enables us to struggle on till we reach the destinated time where we finally leave this world.
But I feel no love. I feel devoid of emotion. I feel empty deep inside.
"Your eyes are empty" My father once said, "That shows your heart is empty." He was right. I am empty. Deep down inside, I'm devoid of emotion. I feel nothing. Perhaps the only feeling I have is hate. I live in a shell. A decorated shell. To the world, I'm a normal girl. Perhaps rather crazy at times, but otherwise, I am fine. But I'm not. I live in a dark world, cursing and plotting revenges. There's fire in my eyes when I'm angry, and dark thoughts swirl in my mind. But no one knows, my decorated shell is thick and strong. It is almost unpenetrable.
I feel lonely now, and sad. Emotions. Perhaps I do have them after all. But part of me hates them. Part of me wants to be cold, ignored, and hated by all. To be the most accursed creature on Earth. But the other part of me wants to be loved and cared for. To be a happy and normal being.
The world is a desolate place. So cold, so dark. I can't fight my way through the fog.
I thought that after the 'O' Levels, I could be free. But no, I realised a harsh truth that no one could ever be free. I would like to soar like a bird, fly to wherever I want. But I have no wings, and I have no one to show me the way. Somehow, I end up being cooped at home. Just like I normally do.
Everyone's gone. Gone... I don't know where? I'm alone again.
I'm not the smartest person and sometimes I don't really mind. But in these desperate times, the truth hurts. And the truth is that I could never survive in this world. Just by opening my eyes, I'm painfully aware that I could never compare to you, you and you. I do not wish to compare myself to others, but the truth is, your eyes forces you to see. It makes you see even if you don't want to. The world screams into your face "YOU IDIOT!"
Actually I never wanted to be really smart. I hated to be noticed, to be the center of the attraction. I wanted to be hidden from sight. I wanted to live in obscurity. But in trying to do so, I gain attention, in a bad way. My sister was an outstanding person, and on that basis on comparison, I stand out because of how contrasting I was to her. My mother tells me I'm the only child in her family who cannot get into a Junior College because my three other siblings could.
This made me question, how do you measure a person's worth? Through grades? again, we see the pressure society has on us. There is too many people on this Earth. And if we let the society judge us, I think I will be worth less than a cent.
"KILL YOURSELF!" The demon within me has repeated that for the past hour. But I shall not conform. This demon was created by society, and I shall resist it with all my might. To end my life just like that is meaningless. Nobody will care, nobody will blink an eye. Everyone shall move on, and I shall be forgotten. Living on, plodding through this miserable life, perhaps, perhaps, when I lie dying on my deathbed, I could die with the feeling of victory. The success of being able to survive. And perhaps find happiness in the midst of life.
My life is bleak and empty now. But perhaps, someday, someday, I might find life within life.
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