Feeling fed up. for a lot of reasons.
i was just thinking, is it possible to like n hate a person at a same time? i have a friend. and honestly, i think she's very nice. i suppose it's me, but sometimes i get so mad with the way she talks to me. the tone of it, it's like she's fed up with me and sick of me complaining. oh, well then it's my fault. but i get so mad with her too. and sometimes, she just overlooks me, n i don't know how to say. But she makes me feel incompetent. well, i suppose i am incompetent. bleh! i feel so mixed up. but she always makes me feel mad n esp. when she ignores me.but when we start talking n laughing, i feel good instantly n forgive everything. but i don't hate her. maybe i was just fed up.
I think life is full of contradictions. at least mine is, anyway. I don't believe in love. I think love is so simple and so complex. bleh, see another contradiction. but maybe i was forcing myself to hate love. it just happened last week, this new sudden hostility towards love. when watching those sopay HK shows, i just told myslef not to laugh when i see a funny love scene. and i didn't want to write anymore stories. cos' all my stories has some love inside somehow, and just so suddenly, i can't stand the idea of writing anything about love.
Another contradiction in my life: I hate Adolf Hitler. oh, yes, but why am i so interested in German history? I respect Adolf Hitler. Oh darn, u finally got it out of me. I don't know why, i just respect this stupid ugly fat guy. i get mad when someone says he is cool, cos he is NOT cool, he killed so many ppl, for goodness sake. but how can i actually feel respect for a murderer? i respect him, for I JUST DON"T KNOW! but i really respect the Hitler youths, n their endurance. in fact, i think i would want to join the German Girls' League. waah. what is wrong with me. i'm tahnkful i am not born in that times, i would have been followed all Hitler's speeches with fervent adoration. And i Hate is that the Jews are suffering so much. but i am cruel. i think it is all so intersting. see, i am crazy! and i hate neo-nazis. i hate written poems (lousy ones) on DOWN with the neo-nazis. but another side of me think all these stuffs are so exciting. n i wanted to be part of it. WHAT??! i wanted to be part of this org. that practices anti-Semitic ideas??? oh darn, i am so crazy!
bleh, let's talk about yesterday. I AM SO GLAD i went to the debate! It was real fun! and Kirsten did really well! actually i didn't want to go cos Rini suddenly changed her mind n didnt want to go. so i thought i won't go too since i don't know how to. i went for table tennis instead. but i met kirsten while changing to my pe shirt. i asked her who r going, she said the other debators' friends, n me. then i told her i wasn't going. n feel horrendously bad. i was thinking, was i her only supporter? like, oi, nobody is going to support Kirsten??? so, i went with her. haha! glad i did. oh, later we went to the Esplanade, eating that silly soggy BK burger. n we talked quite a bit.she was telling me all that funny stuffs on macbeth and the one on Jehovah. woah, do i get stoned for writing that? anyway, reflecting back, i feel that whenver i talked to some friends, i feel a sense of enjoyment. but when talking to Kiki, i feel the warmth of friendship. and i like that. actually Kirsten is a really great person, except sometimes when she talks about complex stuffs like Miranda Laws or something like that, all i was thinking of half the time was Eowyn in her dress flapping in teh wind.
ohohoh! n i love the chocolate covered strawberry!!!!! woah! i just so berry berry love it! yummy! n guess what i'm listening to now? Germany's national Anthem. hahaha! i've been repeating it again and again! i think i've listened to it for more than 20 times. but the instrument used makes it sound like some church hymn.
woah! i'm thinking of that strawberry again! I must get an easter chocolate this year!
i was just thinking, is it possible to like n hate a person at a same time? i have a friend. and honestly, i think she's very nice. i suppose it's me, but sometimes i get so mad with the way she talks to me. the tone of it, it's like she's fed up with me and sick of me complaining. oh, well then it's my fault. but i get so mad with her too. and sometimes, she just overlooks me, n i don't know how to say. But she makes me feel incompetent. well, i suppose i am incompetent. bleh! i feel so mixed up. but she always makes me feel mad n esp. when she ignores me.but when we start talking n laughing, i feel good instantly n forgive everything. but i don't hate her. maybe i was just fed up.
I think life is full of contradictions. at least mine is, anyway. I don't believe in love. I think love is so simple and so complex. bleh, see another contradiction. but maybe i was forcing myself to hate love. it just happened last week, this new sudden hostility towards love. when watching those sopay HK shows, i just told myslef not to laugh when i see a funny love scene. and i didn't want to write anymore stories. cos' all my stories has some love inside somehow, and just so suddenly, i can't stand the idea of writing anything about love.
Another contradiction in my life: I hate Adolf Hitler. oh, yes, but why am i so interested in German history? I respect Adolf Hitler. Oh darn, u finally got it out of me. I don't know why, i just respect this stupid ugly fat guy. i get mad when someone says he is cool, cos he is NOT cool, he killed so many ppl, for goodness sake. but how can i actually feel respect for a murderer? i respect him, for I JUST DON"T KNOW! but i really respect the Hitler youths, n their endurance. in fact, i think i would want to join the German Girls' League. waah. what is wrong with me. i'm tahnkful i am not born in that times, i would have been followed all Hitler's speeches with fervent adoration. And i Hate is that the Jews are suffering so much. but i am cruel. i think it is all so intersting. see, i am crazy! and i hate neo-nazis. i hate written poems (lousy ones) on DOWN with the neo-nazis. but another side of me think all these stuffs are so exciting. n i wanted to be part of it. WHAT??! i wanted to be part of this org. that practices anti-Semitic ideas??? oh darn, i am so crazy!
bleh, let's talk about yesterday. I AM SO GLAD i went to the debate! It was real fun! and Kirsten did really well! actually i didn't want to go cos Rini suddenly changed her mind n didnt want to go. so i thought i won't go too since i don't know how to. i went for table tennis instead. but i met kirsten while changing to my pe shirt. i asked her who r going, she said the other debators' friends, n me. then i told her i wasn't going. n feel horrendously bad. i was thinking, was i her only supporter? like, oi, nobody is going to support Kirsten??? so, i went with her. haha! glad i did. oh, later we went to the Esplanade, eating that silly soggy BK burger. n we talked quite a bit.she was telling me all that funny stuffs on macbeth and the one on Jehovah. woah, do i get stoned for writing that? anyway, reflecting back, i feel that whenver i talked to some friends, i feel a sense of enjoyment. but when talking to Kiki, i feel the warmth of friendship. and i like that. actually Kirsten is a really great person, except sometimes when she talks about complex stuffs like Miranda Laws or something like that, all i was thinking of half the time was Eowyn in her dress flapping in teh wind.
ohohoh! n i love the chocolate covered strawberry!!!!! woah! i just so berry berry love it! yummy! n guess what i'm listening to now? Germany's national Anthem. hahaha! i've been repeating it again and again! i think i've listened to it for more than 20 times. but the instrument used makes it sound like some church hymn.
woah! i'm thinking of that strawberry again! I must get an easter chocolate this year!
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