Actually I feel angry angry angry. Angry because they do not allow me to use my computer. But now I put it in such mild words. Uggh I just want to scream and ahhhh I never knew how to describe my feelings anway. But I felt so stupid, for putting an easy guessable password. And just so mad!
I feel so restricted! How can they take my rights away from me just like that! N my mom said I can go online on weekends and she didn’t let me go on Friday night and my com was locked with password so I couldn’t go online the whole day today. Honestly I’m mad mad mad. I feel like I’m filled with darkness. I was chanting les prisonnieres over n over yesterday. N I started drawing the little girl with the guy behind her with the knife on her neck. It’s like there’s a dark being inside me. Really dark. Honestly if I have the guts I would have killed myself when I feel depressed. Honestly I’ve contemplated killing myself lots of times before. But well just to say I’m a damn bloody coward.
You can say I hate my mom n yet I don’t. but it seems like she’s always wrongly accusing me and I don’t like it. She thinks I’m some really lazy kid of hers. N I never do maths n I’m disobedient. But well I do try to do my homework. It’s just that they never saw it. Like I did social studies the whole day I did my history homework. I try I do. Maybe I slack a bit for maths but uggh
Sometimes I don’t want to care anymore. I hate everyone and yet I do not. I love my father and my mom always manage to make me guilty about it. Like I never study hard n I’ll be wasting my dad’s money. And I love all my friends. They’re so nice! I mean if I don’t have a friend I’ll probably go insane or something now.
But sometimes i’m surrounded by many many people and yet I still feel so so lonely. Ahh!
Tomorrow I lose my freedom again. I won’t be able to touch this com until I don’t know when. And I shouldn’t even be writing all this stuffs cos my sis knows this site. Ahh!