Why am I always hungry? :)

I feel like a different person when I'm alone. I could say I'm insane. lol.. for some reasons, I'm just strangely happy. I think I was wrong in the previous entry. It wasn't cynicism. I am truly happy for no particular reason. I suppose I am just satisfied. I beam at the distant valley as I walk home, I let my huge coat flap behind me as I strut home. and I'm feeling good.. bambambambam..
okay.. I need to listen to Michael Buble right now.

But I don't think I've changed. I'm always like this when I'm alone, strangely happy. But I know from experience that when I'm with others, I'm still me. The strange person who doesn't talk and keeps to oneself. And I suppose I'm fine with that. I'm not exactly reserved, but I'm a relatively private person compared to some others. It's fun to talk about yourself once in a while ;) but I don't like going too deep. and that's just how I am.

After a while, I've stopped feeling lonely. I guess, I don't really mind being all alone. I'm not exactly sure how to handle people really. There has been many occassions where people were interested in talking to me. and I did try. but I just didn't know what to say, so all I did was smile. I suppose, I simply have no idea what to tell a complete stranger. I can tell after a moment that slowly, the person interest in me fizzles out as he/she goes off to find a more interesting companion. But quite strangely, I don't mind. It's no use to force it anyways. As far as I know, I'm not really all that boring. lol..

oh dear, how I prattle to myself. But it feels so oddly relaxing typing to myself like this.

For some reasons, I just felt like writing here for today instead of @ LJ. It's ironical how my LJ seems no longer private. I'm seriously thinking of making it a private journal and delete all my friends. But I'm always shunning away from people, so I guess I should open up a bit.

Well, something small has happened and the way I reacted to it made me realize what a worthless and boring life I'm living. But mah... I get upset for one day and the next day I can't be bothered anymore. That's how I am these days. I can't seem to care about anything anymore.

I'm always feeling a surge of happiness I realize. When I walk, I'll be smiling and everyone passes by me unnoticed. But it feels bitter. It feels like some sort of twisted joy derived from cynicism. I feel I'm always so cold inside. I smile a lot, but I think I'm cold and dead inside. But again, I don't care. I just laugh it all away and strut around like the world spins for me.