Wah! my IQ is damn low. oh well! but the test was so damn boring. and all that maths question, i practically just eni-mini-mini-mo. i liked the questions where u don't need to work out any maths questions. just see then can answer already. hii, i never liked maths. but the questions with the pics is quite fun. just anyhow pick can already.

wah, i think people would start strangling me if i tell them Mr. Lee is still one of my favourite teacher. I think Rini would scream in protest. But it's hard to shake it off. I've respected Mr Lee from the start, and even if he behaves a little childish sometimes, i always think it's justified. I mean, he DID tell us to construct the answer. i heard it. and even when he scolded me for losing my file, i don't hold a grudge. it's my fault. Though Mr Anthony is a better teacher than Mr Lee, i still respect him.

Today is Volkswagon day! I saw a blue Volkswagon. then, later, i saw my dream silver Volkswagon. and behind the silver Volkswagon was another silver Volkswagon! woah! Volkswagon day!

Feeling fed up. for a lot of reasons.

i was just thinking, is it possible to like n hate a person at a same time? i have a friend. and honestly, i think she's very nice. i suppose it's me, but sometimes i get so mad with the way she talks to me. the tone of it, it's like she's fed up with me and sick of me complaining. oh, well then it's my fault. but i get so mad with her too. and sometimes, she just overlooks me, n i don't know how to say. But she makes me feel incompetent. well, i suppose i am incompetent. bleh! i feel so mixed up. but she always makes me feel mad n esp. when she ignores me.but when we start talking n laughing, i feel good instantly n forgive everything. but i don't hate her. maybe i was just fed up.

I think life is full of contradictions. at least mine is, anyway. I don't believe in love. I think love is so simple and so complex. bleh, see another contradiction. but maybe i was forcing myself to hate love. it just happened last week, this new sudden hostility towards love. when watching those sopay HK shows, i just told myslef not to laugh when i see a funny love scene. and i didn't want to write anymore stories. cos' all my stories has some love inside somehow, and just so suddenly, i can't stand the idea of writing anything about love.
Another contradiction in my life: I hate Adolf Hitler. oh, yes, but why am i so interested in German history? I respect Adolf Hitler. Oh darn, u finally got it out of me. I don't know why, i just respect this stupid ugly fat guy. i get mad when someone says he is cool, cos he is NOT cool, he killed so many ppl, for goodness sake. but how can i actually feel respect for a murderer? i respect him, for I JUST DON"T KNOW! but i really respect the Hitler youths, n their endurance. in fact, i think i would want to join the German Girls' League. waah. what is wrong with me. i'm tahnkful i am not born in that times, i would have been followed all Hitler's speeches with fervent adoration. And i Hate is that the Jews are suffering so much. but i am cruel. i think it is all so intersting. see, i am crazy! and i hate neo-nazis. i hate written poems (lousy ones) on DOWN with the neo-nazis. but another side of me think all these stuffs are so exciting. n i wanted to be part of it. WHAT??! i wanted to be part of this org. that practices anti-Semitic ideas??? oh darn, i am so crazy!

bleh, let's talk about yesterday. I AM SO GLAD i went to the debate! It was real fun! and Kirsten did really well! actually i didn't want to go cos Rini suddenly changed her mind n didnt want to go. so i thought i won't go too since i don't know how to. i went for table tennis instead. but i met kirsten while changing to my pe shirt. i asked her who r going, she said the other debators' friends, n me. then i told her i wasn't going. n feel horrendously bad. i was thinking, was i her only supporter? like, oi, nobody is going to support Kirsten??? so, i went with her. haha! glad i did. oh, later we went to the Esplanade, eating that silly soggy BK burger. n we talked quite a bit.she was telling me all that funny stuffs on macbeth and the one on Jehovah. woah, do i get stoned for writing that? anyway, reflecting back, i feel that whenver i talked to some friends, i feel a sense of enjoyment. but when talking to Kiki, i feel the warmth of friendship. and i like that. actually Kirsten is a really great person, except sometimes when she talks about complex stuffs like Miranda Laws or something like that, all i was thinking of half the time was Eowyn in her dress flapping in teh wind.
ohohoh! n i love the chocolate covered strawberry!!!!! woah! i just so berry berry love it! yummy! n guess what i'm listening to now? Germany's national Anthem. hahaha! i've been repeating it again and again! i think i've listened to it for more than 20 times. but the instrument used makes it sound like some church hymn.
woah! i'm thinking of that strawberry again! I must get an easter chocolate this year!

I LOVE BAGPIPES!!!!!!!!!!! that's my evaluation after listening to Braveheart last night! i love bagpipes. i love bagpipes! i want to go to Scotland!!! yay
and after a serious consideration last night, i decided to not care about anything anymore. what doesn't kill u makes u stronger. well, i doubt i will die if i don't do my homework, so well...

I suddenly feel so depressed. I HATE my English marks. i hate it! i've scored so increduosly low.
i want to be a writer. that has been my ambition since the day i learnt how to speak English. well, which is about 7 years old. and how the heck can i be a writer if my English sucks? sometimes i wish my English can be as good as Vicki's and Kirsten's. I don't even have a wide range of vocab. and i've heard of many words which i don't know the meaning. uggh
and i don't even think i'm good enough to be a writer. not good enough. i can't write. i think i'm crazy to even write and show it to people. the language is so shallow, there's nothing good about it. bleh!
I'm good at nothing. nothing. nothing. of course, i evaluate this from reasoning. ok, let's say school subject, am i good in any of them? NO!
1) maths? no good
2)Science? no good
3) English? blah
4) History? Not good enough.
5) Literature? sucks
i hate all this! and maybe maybe, i'm good at sports. but I'm not! I'm NOT! i suck at sports. i can't run, i can't do sit-ups, push ups..whatever.
Maybe music. bleh, no good. Art, nah, i can't draw,.
ok, if i'm not good in all these things, maybe i have a nice personality. maybe i'm confident and likeable. Am i? NO! no no no. i'm certainly not a confident person. and i am unable to show emotions. see, i'm heartless as well. like during the debate, when our school won, everyone was hugging. and i didn't even dare to show my emotions even though i was happy. i wanted to congratulate Kirsten, but i just smiled distantly. I AM SUCH A COWARD! i am a coward. i want to be brave. i want to be able to dare to do things.
and i'm weird. i'm different from other people. and i always distance myself away from people. because i feel i don't belong. well, the fact is i don't. i'm not anything like anybody else. in fact, i'm completely cut out from the world, there's very little thing i know about this world.i know nothing.
stupid stupid stupid. i hate myself. can't i be good at something?
bleh. this has become so depressing.

Went skating today. uggh couldn't skate. and was so scared i'll fall down. so i keep telling myself, think happy thoughts. think happy thoughts. then i started humming the song from the sound of music. the one about my favourite things. and i started thinking of Scotland. which is really wierd. cos when i say scotland, the first thing that comes to your mind is green hills, not ice. hah!

Waaahh! Watched Braveheart yesterday. Pretty good. but i watched the one on tape. the R(A) violence all cut out. so i have to say the show is pretty mild. i'll watch the vcd another day. i hope it's not too gory... the show was pretty sad. the first part where Robert heard his father's advice and betrayed William. then he regretted it. i was so sad i cried. people will think i siao, cry at the not sad part. but i felt so sad, he betrayed his own country. but the second time where he was tricked into betraying Will, i didn't cry. but i was hoping he didn't have to die. aihh and the girl! why did she die? uggh!
I love the dresses though. and the bagpipes! waah! I wanna go to Scotland!!

Waah! So tired! Washed my Porsche like crazy! So tiring! I mean my radio control car. haiz. haven't touched it for months. the battery compartment is all rusty. uggh and the worst part is that it's all sticky. it's worst than washing a real car. and the worst worst part is...the whole thing is spoiled. Big sigh. feel so bad! and i quite liked the car. it's fast and revolves and it's really nice/ ahhhhhhhhhhh why did it spoil. how to fix?
Just now i went to Borders and saw Down with Love playing. i was practically glued to the screen. then i decided to rent the dvd. i practically rushed to the the renting store. and to my disappointment, the guy only has the vcd. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa so upset. was looking forward to it so much. wa i want to watch the dvd! :(

Ahhhhhh!!! John Stevens got in!!! yay!!!!!!!!!hahahaha!
Found an injured bird just now. it couldn't fly. it's now lying in a pile of cloth n tissue. i hope it gets well soon.